It began as a mistake, she ran away and now I’m the one waiting to die.
A friend and I were walking home from a party, tottering slightly in our high heels and tight dresses. That’s when death stepped out of the shadows, the “friend” just threw her shoes at him and ran away. I tried to follow, but he dragged me to the floor. I called out, but she kept running.
I remember lying there thinking “god I hope I’m not pregnant”, I wasn’t angry as such just worried. Unlike most other people in my situation, it didn’t take long for it to come out, that bitch told everyone what happened. After the police had come around and taken my details and offered me fucking platitudes that I know aren’t true, words like “Cases like this are usually solved pretty quickly, don’t worry we’ll get him”
Bullshit, only one in eight single rapes are ever solved, but I just nodded and led them to the door, thanking them, leaving their lies uncontested. That night I cut my hair off, if I wasn’t attractive then maybe it wouldn’t happen again. By the end if the night the bathroom was covered in my auburn hair. The next day consisted of a morning being poked and prodded by a police surgeon, and various tests being done, and an afternoon of buying baggy outfits.
It’s six years down the line and as I predicted the bastard was never caught and I was recently rushed to hospital after collapsing. I had been avoiding going to the doctors, I don’t like them, they remind me of that night. I had been coughing up phlegm for about a week and was getting steadily more short of breath. I remember waking up in a hospital bed, with an oxygen mask on my face and tubes sticking out of my scrawny arms.
When the nurse saw I was awake, she called the doctor in to talk to me. He was young, he looked like he was just out university “we have found the cause of your breathing problems, it’s a fungal infection called PCP. What’s worrying is that this is rarely seen in patients who have a fully functioning immune system. So we would like to test you for HIV and various other tests to see if we can get to the bottom of it if that’s ok with you?"
My world felt like it was crashing in, I was drawn back to that night and a familiar sense of panic set in. The nurse was explaining what would happen if I tested positive, I wasn’t listening. It could only have been that night, I hadn’t been with anyone since, but the mandatory test had come back negative, but how else could I have gotten infected. A few hours later the doctor came in to give me my results “your test have come back as having a low cd4 count” he said.
“What does that mean?”
“Your test was positive”
I felt numb “your immune system is low” he continued “and you have a high viral load, which means you’re close to the danger zone.”
“danger zone?” I asked
“AIDS” he said softly “We need to get you one anti-retroviral medication immediately, the good news is that you should have a while before you have to worry, provided we can get you cell count up.”
“How is this possible? I tested negative six years ago and I haven’t been with anyone since then!” I was yelling now.
“Sometimes we can get what is called a false negative,” he explained “it only happens three times out of a thousand. It’s normally caught with repeat tests, but you didn’t attend your appointments. As a result the virus has been running unchecked and that’s why you became ill.”
It’s six months later, I’ve had counselling, medication and my chest is better, but it doesn’t matter, I’m just waiting to die. Fuck, that. I’m running a bath, I don’t want a mess.
Woman saved by paramedics
A woman was saved by paramedics yesterday
from a suicide attempt . Apparently the 32 year
old had cut her wrists but was saved because
she had left her front door open and her mother
came to see if she was okay. Opening the door and
seeing her daughter she immediately phoned the
paramedics. The woman was rushed to hospital and is
apparently in a stable condition
Next time I’ll lock the door. I’m just waiting.
